Ignorance is bliss [please hold while I step on a soap box]
This is a statement that I completely believe in at this stage in my life. I'm starting to dread tomorrow because well I just hate the throat/nose numbing stuff that is used for a bronchoscopy. Yes I just said nose they take this camera and jam it down my nose into my lungs and also take pieces of tissue. Now you can see how/why I have come to hate it. Nothing about it says fun to me, plus their anesthesia typically makes me puke with the combo of the fluid that builds in my stomach/lungs during the procedure. The thought of "ignorance is bliss" I find very true for not fun medical procedures. I honestly would rather have someone knock me the slap out and cut me open than have a bronch done. I think back upon all of my procedures over the past 2 years and the first one is never as bad as the ones that follow it because after the first there is always apprehension. You know how you feel that evening or the next day and just how uncomfortable it will be for you, how long you hurt/ache, how sick you will feel/get and just how it sucks all the way around.
My first chemo was the best that I had and second best was the last. I've decided the first was so good because I was ignorant to it all and my spidi senses had not kicked in yet. And my last one was so good because I was just excited to be done and honestly there is just no way to get excited about having chemo. As much as people said "Just don't think about it" "Breathe and go to a happy place" "Relax it will be over soon" really unless you've sat there between hyper/spidi senses, your body rejecting poisons being pumped into it, the side effects of the drugs to say those things is just pure blissful ignorance and that's about as blunt as I can be. I really wish I were ignorant to most of everything I write about but sadly I'm not so I get to push on and try to block it out and just look forward to making sure this time I have a bronch that I will be completely knocked out as compared to the one in June where I did not have near enough anesthesia...I really wish that were a witty joke but sadly I get to move on from it too. :)