Thursday, March 10, 2011

February: A Month in Review

So I just realized that I have yet to review February.

February was not near as exciting or awesome as January was mainly because it was filled with doctors. My weekends weren't that eventful because after the first weekend I was pretty much on lock down at the house after VATS.

1) The month started out with me staying at home and a weekend of going to The Varsity and seeing Country Strong with the 'rents.
2) I also had a whirlwind trip to Alabama to see my favorite kiddos in the world.
3) Also there were many new recipes tried in the first week and a half of February which were excellent and you should definitely check them out. Roasted Vegetable Soup Almost Guilt free Game Day Food Sloppy Crockpot Chicken Sandwiches
4) I had a VATS procedure which left me at home for a few weeks cooped up and in decent discomfort at times, so there wasn't much blogging or activities in my life.
5) The cancer was confirmed back so I started meeting with the fertility team to get going on fertility treatments which will start this month along with chemo.

So I think that is about it!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Firsts: Mardi Gras

This weekend I went to Brewton, Alabama to see Mike and Cassie along with my friend Dustin to meet our niece Snooki Kathleen. Is that just the cutest puppy face that you've ever seen?? She is a precious puppy even if she doesn't quite know how to properly use her mouth yet and not gnaw on you with her razors baby teeth.

Anyways with the rain Friday night thankfully Mike's softball games were canceled but with more pending rain Saturday evening we changed plans from the parade in Mobile to go to Pensacola. OH MY WORD! I never have had so much fun at a parade like I did in Pensacola. The parade seemed to go on forever but the floats were really well done and some more crazy than others, but we were able to get a ton of beads which really was the whole goal of the day. I know this still probably had nothing like New Orleans where people are sloshed all over the place and there are women and men going crazy like I've seen on COPS, but it was actually very family friendly and just a whole lot of fun. BTW I won the game and ended up with 72 beads, which my number was helped by Dustin because he is just that nice. Here are some before and after pictures.

We had so much fun and it was definitely a great week and a great time to knock some "firsts" off my list.
Firsts I experienced:
-trip to Brewton
-time to see Snookleen
-driving 85 and 65 south alone (yes amazing I know, but truly never driven either solo)
-trip to Pensacola
-Mardi Gras 

Hope everyone had as great of a weekend as I did!

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Fight or Flight: what does it mean?

After a late night epiphany I've really decided that what has been deemed courage, strength or whatever people think I'm awesome for during all of this cancer stuff I really feel comes down to my reactions to situations and my fight or flight response. In Reba terms fight or flight is described as how an animal reacts when faced with threats or how a human reacts when put into a tight situation.

I hear all sorts of comments from people I know and people I don't know that when I say I have cancer I get the response "I just couldn't go through what you are." I smile and say thanks but really in my head I am typically screaming "WHEN YOU DON'T HAVE A CHOICE YOU DO WHATEVER IT IS!" Maybe not always that loud but it has crossed my mind numerous times. Just like when someone complements me on my hair saying "I love your hair but I could never have mine that short it just wouldn't look right" again I smile and say thank you but the whole time in my head I am again screaming "You wear the hair that you are given and it's not an option!" Both I have now realized are just my fight reaction I'm not going to sulk in the fact that I have to deal with this and you can't just go hide from cancer or the chemo response so I get to just deal with it.

I really struck this overall epiphany when talking to my friend online last night. We were discussing phobias and I explained on how much I hate snakes and I'm not fond of spiders but I have dealt with them. I started thinking over the times I had to "fight" spiders in front of my campers or students. I truly realized that I've fought and had to be brave and put on my big girl panties and did what needed to be done. Last year while teaching I was administrating a test and a spider literally out of no where started dropping from the ceiling tile on it's web towards the desk I was at, a few students saw it but I knew exactly what I had to do, so as classy as possible I took of my shoe and smacked it and it was done. I had to protect my kids, keep them calm and get rid of the issue. Just like one day a roach just appeared and instead of freaking out or making my teacher do it, again I manned up killed and got rid of it. I was able to show my students that I was going to protect, but also there wasn't much that could make me run away. It's what those kids needed and as I've realized recently it's what I needed because honestly without learning the lessons I did last spring I feel the last 9ish months would have been a lot harder and to that I thank them. It's sometimes how amazing God is when letting life fall into place and setting things up before hand to give us what we need to get through.I could really go on about it all but trust me, you may think you can't do something but really you will never know what you are capable of until you are put to the test.

Happy Mardi Gras Everybody! Get excited for a fun weekend recap sometime next week!